It’s hard to believe that I would be the one joining a cult. It was the subtlety of it all that was surprising. As they say, “No one joins a cult”. The tactics of any cult-like group are first to make you feel special, loved, understood. Then you learn that you have all the answers, the rest of the world is just foolish and inferior. It creates an “Us vs Them” dichotomy. You have new friends, new family. You are on an adventure.
I was born to a Catholic woman who was married to a Jewish man. That was enough to blur the lines of religion from the start. I was raised Catholic. Twelve years of Catholic education in New York City served me well, but as far as a “religion”, I never really got it. Never really cared. There was the day my schizophrenic sister came home to tell the family the news that she was pregnant. Pregnant, that is, with the baby Jesus. She believed she was the Virgin Mary. So, you see, religion, wasn’t such a welcome guest in our house after that.
I was twenty-two years old and living in sort of communal situation, not uncommon in 1972 New York. Housemates changed somewhat but there were a core of four guys, three girls. There was the constant stream of cocaine and marijuana to keep us all nourished, with the right amount of rock ‘n roll and long-haired musicians stirred in to create the perfect gumbo. Those were the days.
Those were also the days of taking a long, hard look at what the future would hold. I was heading quickly toward adulthood and didn’t have a working compass. Though a college dropout, I was smart enough to realize that this lifestyle had a rather short shelf life. In hindsight, I can see that my promiscuity came from a need to be wanted, combined with a fear of emotional involvement. I guess I was born at exactly the right time. Sex, drugs, and rock ‘n roll!
It was at about this time that I ran into an old friend. He and I grew up in the same Bronx apartment building; our mothers were best friends. He was the kid that the nuns at school would tell us to stay away from. He was the kid who was constantly involved in whatever fight was happening on the corner. The corner where all the tough, older guys hung out. Now, in his mid-twenties, he was the guy who was always drunk at the bar or passed out in the back of someone’s car. I found myself across the table from him one day, listening to the most amazing story. The details escape me but the message was that my friend had found the Lord! He talked to me about ‘speaking in tongues’ and miracles (he might as well have been speaking of ‘cabbages and kings’); as I understood none of it. But, I also didn’t forget. He left me with a book to read, The Jesus People and Their Leaders.
“Jesus freaks out in the streets
handing tickets out for God”
Eventually, I found myself in a living room full of people holding bibles. There were long-hairs, clean cut, a guy in the corner who looked like he just got stoned, but everyone was accepted. I got the distinct impression that these people really cared about each other, loved each other. That was a concept I would have to mull over a bit. Maybe I would have to come back and check this out again.
I would never in a million years have believed that someone, some man, could so convince me to be a blind follower of anything, without question, without doubt. Oh there was question and there was doubt, but the euphoria, the love, the absolute acceptance in the group, gradually and almost without notice, became my entire life.
Chapters to Come (in some semblance of order):
- Definition of a Cult
- Types of Cults (Religious, Political, Self Help, Multi Level Marketing, Abusive Relationships)
- Mind Control & Thought Reform
- My 15 year Involvment with “The Way International”
- Teachings of The Way & Demise of The Way
- Born Into a Cult
- Leaving a Cult – Resources for help
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I was always SO proud of myself for not being mentally ill in my mentally ill family, that I denied for a long time that “The Way” was a cult, as that would make me less of a strong, independent person. Strong and “mentally balanced” individuals…do not join cults.
Reference Material: Dr. Steven Hassan, Combating Cult Mind Control
Dr. Janja Lalich, Take Back Your Life
LURED (working title) is an excerpt from Marlene Dunham’s upcoming book.
Lost in the Shadows: A Journey Through Cults